Thursday 6 October 2011

Shameful gesture.

Today when i was cycling to work, and i always take the root through the park, because it shortens my way to work.
Now as i was in the park, i saw a girl sitting on the pathway, and the bicycle was thrown next to her and a boy was standing next to her and she was like reaching, extending her hands to him, trying to grab his pants, and as i got closer and closer i was looking at the boys face, to see if i can find any  bad intentions within his face, because one never knows..??  It could have been that he was trying to abuse this girl, so i looked at him to find any dubious expression in his face, and try and find a way to stop whatever then. But at as i was getting closer and closer and i could see that it was about relationship. And as many of us know, it was certainly about the break of a relationship between two people. In the face expression of the guy i could see, that he was looking down at the girl and thinking: ''shit, what now...should i pick her up or should i leave her...?''

But in his face was also the expression of ''feeling sorry'' for her. So when i was next to them i saw that the girl was drunk and was crying and was asking, or more like begging him to not to leave her. And as i was cycling to them i was already breathing and taking care of my 4 count breath, but at the moment i was close enough to them and i could see that the girl was drunk and stuff, and i saw how she was crying and begging, a thought pop-up in my mind: '' maybe she have done, something in the bar tonight because she was drunk and the guy got jealous and angry and want to leave her now.''  and also: '' how much lower can someone go and get in order to find out that love is not real..?''    And i must say i felt a little shame for her and also petty for both of them to have fallen for the love drug.

This little moment made me realize even more that love is certainly a very effective drug, that can make you do harmful things to your physical body.

The day i will be in an agreement with someone or not, love would be something i know must be cultivated and be understood equally in each person for us to have a sane and fruitful relationship otherwise, above scenarios are going to continue happening all over the place.

Self-forgiveness on the thoughts:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the thought about the guy in the park when i project my thought on to him and thought to myself that this guy must be thinking: ''shit, what now........should i pick her up or should i leave her..??'' when in reality he might not have been thinking that at or something completely different.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the the thought:  ''shit, what now........should i pick her up or should i leave her..??'' with the visual content that was being portrayed in front of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the thought: '' how much lower can someone go and get in order to find out that love is not real..?? ''

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the thought:  '' maybe she have done something in the bar tonight because she was drunk and the guy got jealous and angry and want to leave her now.''

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge these two people without even having a talk to them to see what was really happening.

I forgive myself  for accepting and allowing myself to have thought in relation to what i see.

 Self-corrective statements:


I realize that i let myself judge others when i encounter myself into possible scenarios of harm.

I realize that love makes one do strange and stupid things.

I realize that no matter what i think for them going through the whole event or moment is not gonna change anything for them.


Self-corrective application:

Whenever i see myself in scenarios with possibility of someone getting hurt i just breathe, and do what is necessary to be done if there is harm going on, because if not so, i am only mind fucking myself with thoughts that may or may not be at all what is really busy happening.


Thanks.


Larry Manuela




















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